Ok, it’s clear that I have them. Sometimes when Vic decides to give Kamikazee an assignment I feel like he’s coming to my turf and doing it wrong. Granted, I’ve spent 3 years instructing him myself with little input thus far. But still, I know that children can have many teachers and the differing teaching styles helps them to be more adaptive and understand rules in context (where they belong, in my opinion).
I need to remember that just because Vic’s going about it differently, it doesn’t mean that it is harmful. Even though while it’s happening it seems like learning is not fun for Kamikazee. Kamikazee seems to be used to my relaxed if I didn’t teach it to you yet, don’t stress about it approach and gets agitated with Vic’s approach. I understand too that Vic’s involvement is directly related to the unschooled approach I’ve taken with Kamikazee this summer.
So what to do? I think I know. I either need to make a determination to unschool and get Vic to understand the method to what must seem like my madness (he’s much more oriented to classical homeschooling) or I just need to homeschool with curriculums and whatnot so that if Vic feels the need to come onto my turf I’ll know that I’m doing what I need to do about whatever subject he feels the need to enhance and Kamikazee can learn all about rules in context.
You could let Vic do what he wants with the kids and continue to (un)school the kids the way you want. After all, if your aim is to relinquish control, letting Vic parent/educate the kids the way he sees fit is a fair place to start. And, if Vic wants your help, just tell him that you don’t want to help him educate the kids that way and that you trust his judgment. Or, if Vic is trying to teach Kamikazee something while making assumptions about what he already knows or should know, you can gently tell him that you and K haven’t gone over that yet. Maybe take that opportunity to support Vic (“Oh, yeah, that’s cool. We haven’t started talking about that, yet. I think it’s great that you want to teach him that!”) and move on.
Getting Vic to understand what you’re doing or changing what you do to accommodate what Vic is trying to do is not going to help your control issues b/c those options are symptoms of the very problem.
“Or, if Vic is trying to teach Kamikazee something while making assumptions about what he already knows or should know, you can gently tell him that you and K haven’t gone over that yet.”
Right here is where my internal conflict happens. I do do this I just don’t like the way he responds. :p
But I can do more of: “Oh, yeah, that’s cool. We haven’t started talking about that, yet. I think it’s great that you want to teach him that!” So thanks for reminding me.